Let’s do some more deconstructing, shall we? If I were to ask 100 people if the goal is to have an easy life or a challenging one, what do you think the split would be? How drastically would it change if you gave them 10 seconds to answer versus 2 minutes? For way too long, I subconsciously believed that the goal was to get to a spot where life is easy.
Now to the actual deconstruction… At first glance it seemed to make sense because for such a long time, my life was extremely challenging. What better way to talk yourself through a tough time in life than to keep telling yourself “If you can just get through this, everything will be easier on the other side.” Let me tell you! I said that to myself for YEARS and it was very motivational to keep me going. I will pause here for a moment of gratitude for the purpose that belief once served for me. Can we start normalizing appreciating past choices, beliefs or behaviors that DID serve us in a previous part of our lives even though they no longer do?
If I go a little further I think about all the commercials and advertising of every variety has tried to sell me an easier, faster, no effort needed type of solution. There’s been A LOT. So I’m sure that helped me believe that easy must be desirable. Maybe it was social media and seeing only the best and easiest parts of people’s lives that lead me there? The truth is most likely all of the above and then some. What else do you think contributes to it?
I wish that I could share some profound moment that I had that made me realize how wrong that I was to want an easy life, but I cannot. I honestly think it was just one of those random thoughts that runs through your head just before you fall asleep but you’re too lazy to grab a notebook and write it down or your phone to jot a note, so you just repeat it in your mind over and over in hopes that maybe this one will stick when you wake up… Everyone does that, right? Or is this just another neurodivergent thing that I’m discovering about myself? Unimportant, lol. Let’s continue.
For years now, I have made a very conscious effort to live with an attitude of gratitude. I know that it sounds cliché, but it really has changed my life for the better in so many significant ways. If you’ve never done it, I highly recommend. I literally went through an inventory of “hard memories” and sat with each one to find as many things as I could in them to be grateful for. It’s hard to stay in negative emotions about a situation or person when you’re focused on the good. The big one for me was my upbringing and my relationship with my mother. For the sake of this blog we will simply say that I had a tumultuous childhood with an abusive narcissistic mother. One of the most powerful things that I was ever able to do for myself was to forgive her and be appreciative for the strength that it built in me. I am the person that I am today because of my upbringing… the good and the bad. I grew up without mental and emotional support which lead me to become an adult who is passionate about making sure that the humans around me feel seen, heard, and supported. That is one of my favorite parts about myself and I would not give that up for anything! I went through so many challenges that, in the moment, I truly thought would break me. I don’t know what the magic number is, but after a person goes through that over and over again, this truly amazing thing happens… they learn that they are amazingly resilient and they gain a confidence that they can literally take on the world. Some people say it’s a trauma response and look at it in a negative way, but to me, it was one of the most freeing experiences of my life. I take risks that a lot of other people get scared about because of my unwavering belief in my own ability to overcome any challenge that life can throw at me.
So when I sit and think about having an easy life, I wonder what that would even look like. And why would I enjoy it? The truth is, I wouldn’t. I’ve learned a lot about humans as of late and there’s this thing about where true happiness comes from. It comes from accomplishment. Humans are literally hard wired to tackle challenges. When something is hard to accomplish, the person completing it will feel a greater sense of accomplishment, confidence and resilience upon its completion. It’s true, I swear! I know that we now live in a world full of instant gratification and we have at our fingertips an infinite number of tiny serotonin boosts, but that isn’t real and lasting. It’s the equivalent of the get skinny fast gimmick when we all know that the only way to truly get healthy is through proper diet and exercise.
Think about the last time that you really committed to doing something hard. It might be a big work project that you spearheaded and saw all the way through. It could be that you finally decided to learn how to knit and now you have a lucrative side hustle. Maybe you decided to learn a new language and now you can’t wait for your overseas trip to really put it to the test. All of these examples took real commitment to the process with opportunities to fail and walk away if you so chose… The more likely that someone else would have quit half way through, the greater that you will feel about yourself when you cross that finish line.
Ironically, coaching is the same in a lot of ways… and this wasn’t even the direction that I intended to go with this blog. Coaching isn’t an overnight “fix” for all of your problems. Don’t get me wrong; by starting the PQ Program, you do get some really big wins quite fast, but that’s because a bunch of effort is put into it. You have to stick to it for the full six weeks to really feel accomplished. Most people keep going well beyond that because that mental fitness in the long haul is the real prize and accomplishment. You focus on building the foundational mental fitness that you know will help you stick it out the next time that you take on a big challenge and you want to quit half way through. By committing to the coaching process you get to say to the world: I was made to do hard things! Or maybe you need to start a little softer and simply look in the mirror to convince yourself first… you are capable of hard things. You are capable of prioritizing YOU and giving yourself the best possible shot at a great life; a fulfilled life, an adventurous life, even a challenge filled life, but NOT an easy one.
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